“And above all, watch with glittering eyes the whole world around you because the greatest secrets are always hidden in the most unlikely places. Those who don't believe in magic will never find it."

Monday, June 6, 2016

My Bad Habit

Hello Writers.

So I have something to confess:

I have a bad habit. 
Let me rephrase that: More like a bad pattern I cannot seem to break....

I either have so many vibrant and exciting ideas... Or zilch. 

I'll take an idea and become super excited about it. And I'll promote it. Outline it. Start writing. Then I seem to become discouraged in a big way. 

I'll realize that:

1. I don't love the idea.
2. Something of this sort has already been done.
3. I don't commit.
4. I lose interest.

And that's the cycle. 

I'll slowly forget that idea and jump to another one... Or I'll be empty handed. 

I've completed first drafts before; so it's not a matter of not being able to finish. I actually have many 1st drafts just sitting there. It's beginning to look like a draft graveyard.

There was one idea I was beyond excited about. This was everything to me. The flow hit me harder than a ton of bricks and I wrote... Wrote for days. Then life happens. I kept trying to find time to write it, but couldn't. Why? Because I also had to write a thesis for my Master's Degree. It wasn't me being lazy. I had to stick with priorities first. Luckily, I had NaNoWriMo that helped me piece it together. Then life and teaching happened and after all that hard work I put it away. And I mean I really put it away. It had been 2 years (seriously where does the time go).

I returned to it a few years later and that drive, the heart of it all, was no longer a leading force behind it. And once again, I put it away. I wrote that story during a time of despair and healing. And I cannot lie that it reminds me of hard times.

I wanted something fresh.

Unfortunately, that excitement I felt for that idea, hasn't come to me again.

I've always thought I was creative but I'm letting insecurities cloud my judgement. My creativity never cared what others thought. It was a time I could be, well, just me. And over time insecurities really clouded my life. I started coming up with the notion that I was now too old to write a novel, I couldn't come up with a fresh new original idea, or that I wasn't good enough. My writing seemed to become dry and well... Quite frankly, boring. I know a first draft is pretty awful, but I was now critiquing and criticizing every line. 

They say reading helps writers. I completely agree. Yet, I have found the more o read these stories by wonderful talented authors, I become more down on myself.... It's a curse. 

I want to be excited against I want to stick with an idea till the end. 

Writing has always been my passion. I don't want to abandon the idea now because I may fail. We should write because we love to. Maybe I should stop thinking about being published and editing and finding agents and just write. Write for me.

My students encourage me all the time. I'm a kindergarten teacher and I love storytelling. I made up a story the other day and honestly they were enthralled by it. I didn't finish it because it was the end of the year and one little girl came to the school a week later and the first thing she said to me was, "You have to finish the story, Miss Jess! I would buy it." It was so sweet and yet encouraging as well. She believed in me. Another parent said, "My child says you make up the best stories." That's two-for-two. It gave my strength. I may not finish the story I told in class, maybe just a short story fairytale, but I do think of myself as a creative writer. Is a part of who I am. Maybe we all go through this. 

But I know I can be more.

As if this wasn't already a wake up call, I saw this quote today by someone I admire:
It's so real; so honestly perfect. I need to be me. I've always been creative and I can do this.

I think if I let go the fears I have, the others of this cycle may break. And maybe then, just then, THE IDEA will come to me. 

I hope.

Thanks for listening to my ranting. If you have any feedback, please leave a comment below. 

Thank you and happy writing!

Sunday, June 5, 2016

The Real Deal

Okay. So here it is. Here's the REAL DEAL:

I'm going to write consistently on the blog. No, I'm serious. No...I know, I know. I say that ALL THE TIME. 

But this time, I'm 100% dedicated.

Why am I serious now? 

Well, let me tell you! 

It's finally summer. I'm a teacher so I now have the summer off. It's basically the greatest feeling in the world. I don't have many things planned for my summer, except one main goal.




Finding time to write throughout the year can be daunting, but if I'm really serious about being a published author, then I need to find the time. Most people cannot quit their daytime job to be solely a writer. That would be the dream, even though teaching has my heart, but it isn't reality. Not yet anyway.

But I've been really getting into the writing community again, especially on Twitter: J_Ruud (Come find me!) However, I want to really document my writing journey and connect on social media as well. Blogging can help that process.

I've been working hard on my current WIP which is a YA Fiction. However, I have endless ideas for a MG fiction story. I think the students at my school have really inspired me. I would story tell with my students all the time. We actually came up with a really awesome story! So I may have to do that one first before the YA.

Anywho, I just wanted to mention that I am alive!

My next post will be about my quarterly goals that I've made for myself. Jenna Moreci really explains these goals well! Check out her YouTube account for writerly advice!

Happy Writing!

Saturday, February 20, 2016

Creativity Rut


It's been a while... again. I keep saying that I'll update more frequently, but let's be honest, life is busy. Really busy. 

I wish I could just write all day; unfortunately, that's not what puts food on my counter and money in my pocket.

A little update though... I did accomplish 50k for NaNoWriMo! Huge! November was a very busy month for me. I'm so proud of myself to achieve that goal. On the flip side, it was very difficult for me. Why? Because halfway in, I got bored. Really bored. I no longer liked my story at all. I wanted to call it quits so many times, but I didn't *pat on the back.* 

I got frustrated after that instead of being inspired to carry on. I had achieved a huge goal I set for myself... I persevered. But it didn't matter. I got angry if we're going to be honest. I got angry that back in the day... *hem hem* at the age of 6-14, I was beyond creative. I wrote for me. I wrote without fear. I wrote without limits. I wrote without caring about if others would judge me. I wrote as if I'd never fail. And that, that was powerful. Then life happened. Teenage years happened... And we all know what a whirlwind of emotion those years are. I kind of curled up in my own little she'll and his away my creativity. Ironically, I became a teacher for Early Childhood. These children are me. Well the me I used to be. I used to have so many ideas I didn't know what to do with them all. Now? I pray for ideas to come. I look for inspiration everywhere. I want something original and fresh. Yes, I know in some shape or form, ideas in stories have somewhat all been done. But I used to be so creative about it. Now I just get disappointed and stop writing. 

It's probably the real reason I'm not a published author yet. I have too many fears. I know fear can help you to grow, but sometimes my fears and anxieties paralyze me. And that's depressing. 

Has adulthood truly squashed my creativity out of me? Or is it something else? 

I can't quite figure it out. 

Writing is a passion of mine... Just like teaching. I became a teaching and going through some big changes with my career right now, so that could be another reason I feel like this. But I feel like sometimes my dream of become a published author is moving further and further from my sight. And I honestly hate that. 

I am just venting about. I know it's February and around this time of year I always get in a rut until spring comes again... But I'm tired of being in a writing rut. 

I'm not sure who reads my blog, but if anyone has advice or insight, please share. 

Thanks you and happy writing as always.